Family
Family: people who support and love you, and the people you can confide in and trust.
Family is love. Is trusting, forgiving, there for you, kind, warm, welcoming, fun, respect, communication, positivity, commitment, patience. At least that's what I've been told what a family is. I have never in my life experienced any of these thing during my 22 almost 23 years of my life with my blood relatives. The only people I have felt these things with are my friends. To me they are my family. The ones I was born with are nothing but obstacles in my life designed to make things harder and stressful.
I was never the popular one or even the one people liked, I was the wall flower that people forgot about. The shadow of those who shined. That's how I lived my life in both school and in my house. Was never good in school and was too stupid to learn anything as fast as the others. My sisters making my mother proud my joining sports and activities. I would go to the very far end of the field and sit, watching the others play with their friends, smiling and laughing. Finally making friends in middle to school for them to abandon me and ignore me. One friend in 8th grade made me finally feel happy and cared for. Of course my mother didn't approve and hated her, always blaming her for idiotic things. Although when she moved to Alaska we fell apart and became distant, eventually no longer talking. I still wonder about her and how she is doing. Hopefully better than me. High was filled with acquaintances and failing friendships. Crushing spirits and self worth always seemed to fallow after boyfriends. One finally pushing too hard and never being able to take something so despicable and foul back but god forbid my mother dislike him and him even after knowing what he had done. To this day still follows/talks to him and feels the need to tell me his life and how the bastard is doing.
Then my last year of high school, feeling like shit and scared of the future did my angel finally appear. My friend. My best friend. The one person who has helping so damn much and can always bring out the crazy, weird and fun in me. I didn't know that someone could care for me, for me. We've laughed, cried, screamed and died of heart attacks over and over together. He is was family is. Like the best person ever he even introduced me to my other best friend. Someone so sweet, funny and just as weird as us but hides it well. She shares the love I have for baking and rock music. Both are amazingly talented and the greatest people I have ever met and will ever meet. I will never be able to repay them for helping me find my smile and my self worth back. It way fall sometimes but the devil himself couln't keep them away and helping me back in my feet. I may never be able to thank them enough. My life may be falling apart but when I'm with my true family, everything feels at peace. Like world is our playground and we are killing it. They are the family I picked, best damn decision I've ever made in my life.
Those I live with and are blood relatives will never be on the same level or being to understand what it's truly like to be a family. As far as I can remember this "family" was broken, shattered into thousands of tiny pieces never to be fixed. The only things I gained from them was when to bite my tongue, never share feelings, and that I will never be good enough in their eyes. I have been the black sheep they take their out on. The one who is the mistake and a nuisance. I have created thick skin and a cold heart thanks to them.
So for those who think that just because you were born into that family that doesn't mean you belong in that family. For some it's better to chose your own family and learn what it means to have a home.
Family is love. Is trusting, forgiving, there for you, kind, warm, welcoming, fun, respect, communication, positivity, commitment, patience. At least that's what I've been told what a family is. I have never in my life experienced any of these thing during my 22 almost 23 years of my life with my blood relatives. The only people I have felt these things with are my friends. To me they are my family. The ones I was born with are nothing but obstacles in my life designed to make things harder and stressful.
I was never the popular one or even the one people liked, I was the wall flower that people forgot about. The shadow of those who shined. That's how I lived my life in both school and in my house. Was never good in school and was too stupid to learn anything as fast as the others. My sisters making my mother proud my joining sports and activities. I would go to the very far end of the field and sit, watching the others play with their friends, smiling and laughing. Finally making friends in middle to school for them to abandon me and ignore me. One friend in 8th grade made me finally feel happy and cared for. Of course my mother didn't approve and hated her, always blaming her for idiotic things. Although when she moved to Alaska we fell apart and became distant, eventually no longer talking. I still wonder about her and how she is doing. Hopefully better than me. High was filled with acquaintances and failing friendships. Crushing spirits and self worth always seemed to fallow after boyfriends. One finally pushing too hard and never being able to take something so despicable and foul back but god forbid my mother dislike him and him even after knowing what he had done. To this day still follows/talks to him and feels the need to tell me his life and how the bastard is doing.
Then my last year of high school, feeling like shit and scared of the future did my angel finally appear. My friend. My best friend. The one person who has helping so damn much and can always bring out the crazy, weird and fun in me. I didn't know that someone could care for me, for me. We've laughed, cried, screamed and died of heart attacks over and over together. He is was family is. Like the best person ever he even introduced me to my other best friend. Someone so sweet, funny and just as weird as us but hides it well. She shares the love I have for baking and rock music. Both are amazingly talented and the greatest people I have ever met and will ever meet. I will never be able to repay them for helping me find my smile and my self worth back. It way fall sometimes but the devil himself couln't keep them away and helping me back in my feet. I may never be able to thank them enough. My life may be falling apart but when I'm with my true family, everything feels at peace. Like world is our playground and we are killing it. They are the family I picked, best damn decision I've ever made in my life.
Those I live with and are blood relatives will never be on the same level or being to understand what it's truly like to be a family. As far as I can remember this "family" was broken, shattered into thousands of tiny pieces never to be fixed. The only things I gained from them was when to bite my tongue, never share feelings, and that I will never be good enough in their eyes. I have been the black sheep they take their out on. The one who is the mistake and a nuisance. I have created thick skin and a cold heart thanks to them.
So for those who think that just because you were born into that family that doesn't mean you belong in that family. For some it's better to chose your own family and learn what it means to have a home.
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